This is long but I got to get it off my chest…
I am 24 going on 25 in less than 2 months. I consider myself a grown ass woman. I take care of my shit and try to stand tall and respect others. That doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes. Big, fat, misguided mistakes! But I will always take responsibility for my mistakes, apologize when they hurt others, and then learn from them. What I won’t do is be bully, harassed, physically abused, or intimidated by someone who can’t own up to their own mistakes. I recently started a relationship that had the worst timing ever and got myself into a situation that I have to take partial blame for. I thought I could just let the relationship go mostly for my own safety but then the craziest, stupidest thing happened. I fell in love. I never wanted to actually fall in love with anyone and never saw myself falling for the person I did. But I guess it serves me right that my first real relationship and first love is the most complicated, scary, emotional, and infuriating process I’ve ever been through! Don’t get me wrong I’m in love and I’m being loved and it feels amazing and I’m happy but a part of me wishes it all could have happened 6 months from now. But love doesn’t wait for the right time and love doesn’t wait for people to get over themselves. My life has become its own little soap opera and I’m learning to deal with it and learning who I am and learning how to love and let go of negativity. I’m learning to say “fuck it!” with the same conviction when I tell people, “I do what I want!” I’ve lived a very passive life up until now (thanks to my mother, the queen of passive aggression!) but it’s time for me to start making demands of people who are hellbent on my destruction. I won’t be pushed around anymore and I’m tired of being scared. My life is changing big time in the next few months. I’m moving out of my parents home and supporting myself for the first time and try to carry on a long distance relationship. It’s make or break time and I refuse to be broken.
